In any sports, Jokes are the part of the game and without it, you can’t enjoy properly. When it comes to Golf, there is no shortage of jokes in this sports as well. There are tons of golf jokes that can certainly lift your mood in a great way.
Indeed, if you have a good golfing humor then certainly you can enjoy your gameplay in very tense situations as well. Moreover, funny golf stories in the course also prove wonderful memory for the players.
So, keeping that in mind, we have compiled a list of both golf jokes and funny golf stories so that you can get a really good combination of golf humor.
Let’s get started…
Funny Golf Jokes:
Here is the list of most funny golf jokes for all of you.
“A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed
from a heart attack.
“Please dear, I need help,” she said.
The husband ran off saying, “I’ll go get some help.”
A little while later he returned, picked up his putter and began to line up
his shot. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said,
“I may be dying and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said
he’d come and help you.”
“The second hole? When is he coming?”
“Hey! I told you not to worry,” he said, stroking his putt.
“Everyone has already agreed to let him play through.”
I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald Ford”
“Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf
Nuts….my shaft is bent.
After 18 holes I can barely walk
You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
Look at the size of his putter.
Mind if I join your threesome?
Stand with your back turned and drop it.
Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more
My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip
Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
Hold up…..I need to wash my balls first.”
“My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch.”– Lee Trevino”
“A young man and a priest are playing together.
At a short par-3, the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole my son?”
The young man says, “An 8-iron, father. How about you?”
The priest says, “I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray.”
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.”
“Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore’, shoot six and write down five.”- Paul Harvey.
“After a guy had a rough hole, but still managed to save par a woman in the crowd said that he didn’t play too well on that hole to which he responded, “Are we playing how or how many?”
“Ten Differences Between Golf & Other Sports
Unlike baseball, players don’t readjust their testicles before each swing.
Unlike boxing, players don’t chomp on each other’s ears or punch them in the groin.
Unlike tennis, players don’t grunt like Cro Magnon men with each effort.
Unlike basketball, players don’t elbow each other in the ribs for a better position.
Unlike auto racing, spectators don’t have to breathe noxious fumes or be forced to listen to “The Achy Breaky Song” on the loudspeaker.
Unlike soccer, the fans don’t spit on or trample each other to death if their favorite team loses.
Unlike bowling, no one knows your shoe size.
Unlike polo, players don’t need to be smug yuppie aristocratic inbred dweebs.
Unlike football, players don’t tell the ref to do a physically impossible act to himself.
Unlike wrestling, spectators have all their teeth.”
© Clark Peterson.
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Funny Golf Stories:
Apart from golf jokes, here are some of the wonderful and funny golf stories for you.
“Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.”
“Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.
The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”
The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”
The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”
The third old guy said, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.”
The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”
The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.” — Howard P.”
“Two men ran out to the course for a quick nine after work. They get to the tee and see two ladies playing ahead of them.
One of the men complains that the ladies will slow them down and says he is going to ask if they can play through. He goes halfway to the ladies and turns back.
“That’s good for one long drive and a putt,” said the cocky golfer as he teed his ball and looked down the fairway to the green. He swung mightily and hit his ball which landed about a meter from the tee.
His caddie handed him a club and remarked: “And now for one hell of a putt.”
The other man asked what was wrong. The man said, “I can’t go up there that’s my wife and my mistress.”
So the other man says he will go. He goes halfway and comes back. His partner asked what happened and the man replied, “Small world, huh?” —
The young man says I don’t know about your father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down.”
Top Ten Signs You’re Obsessed With Golf
“Even your work gloves have a ball marker on the wrist.
You mow your backyard to 11 on the Stimpmeter.
You don’t know who the Vice President is, but you’ve got Davis Love’s sand save percentage memorized.
You name your kids Arnold, Jesper and Chi Chi, and that’s just the girls.
Tees in all your pockets, even your jammies.
Getting married at 10? You can still get in a quick 9 holes at 8.
You have all the machinery foldouts from Turfgrass Monthly pinned to your wall.
You get a titanium rod inserted permanently so you can’t bend your left arm.
After two days without golf, you get the shakes and have to phone 1-800-HEADCASE so they can talk you down.
When you stand at the urinal, you use the overlapping grip.”
Top Ten Signs It’s Too Cold for Golf
“Even with Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart in your group, you still don’t feel warm and fuzzy
You have to wear the visor with the plaid, woolen ear flaps.
Your hands feel warmer when they touch a witch’s breast.
Your cart sinks when it hits an iceberg.
It’s hard to read a putt with Tammy Faye Baker icicles on your eyelashes.
It drops below the temperature of an IRS agent’s heart.
When you fell through the ice, you realized taking a divot on a frozen pond wasn’t such a hot idea.
You’re trapped by snow in the course’s restaurant, ominously named the Donner Party Grill.
The greens are groomed by a Zamboni.
Your balls are blue.”
“There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn’t matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked
On Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn’t golf that day and went back home.
His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife and said: “Terrible weather out there.”
She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing.”
“Have you heard about the Cow Pasture Tale? A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time, he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow’s tail and asked, “Does this look like yours”
That was the last thing he could remember.”
“I nearly got a hole in one, but it hooked into the creek.”
“A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway, narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball, he is greeted by his u.”
“A New York lawyer sent gifts to many of his clients. The gifts were sleeves of golf balls, inscribed with the lawyer’s name. One of the recipients sent an e-mail of thanks back to the lawyer saying, That’s the first time I’ve ever had a lawyer buy the balls.”
So, these are the best golf jokes, we have deducted after a lot of hard work. We hope you have enjoyed all these humorous golf jokes.
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